I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
