id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize
