Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
Randomize
