He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
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