physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
Randomize
