He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
I want to have your abortion
one two three fourrrrnication!
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
Randomize
