i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
Randomize
