I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
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