Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
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