the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
