So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
Randomize
