Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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