I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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