I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
Randomize
