You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Randomize
