Where did you get a picture of my penis
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
it's like heaven, but drunker
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Randomize
