its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize
