College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
Randomize
