I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
Sorry about my life...
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
Please don't give away my fajitas
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Randomize
