I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
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