just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
