This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
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