who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
Randomize
