PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
Randomize
