Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
Randomize
