I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Randomize
