We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
