Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
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