note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
Randomize
