OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Randomize
