Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
