Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Randomize
