You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Randomize
