How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
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