fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
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