I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Randomize
