Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
I can text with my tongue
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
Randomize
