Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
