i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
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