I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
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