Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
Ketchup is God's man juice
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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