You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
