we have pet lesbian snakes
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
Randomize
