what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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