I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
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