Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
Randomize
