I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
Randomize
