so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Randomize
