If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
Randomize
