I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
Randomize
