i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
Randomize
