when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
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