It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
Randomize
