i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
