He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
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