After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
Randomize
