when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
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