thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
