I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
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