It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
Can I color on your dick again?
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
Randomize
