I didn't shave. On purpose
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
