i can't believe i had my finger in that
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
I intend to get homeless drunk
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
Randomize
